I never felt at Home – Below –

I never felt at Home – Below –

And in the Handsome skies

I shall not feel at Home – I know –

I dont like Paradise –

Because it’s Sunday – all the time –

And Recess – never comes –

And Eden’ll be so lonesome

Bright Wednesday Afternoons

If God could make a visit –

Or ever took a Nap –

So not to see us – but they say

Himself – a Telescope

Perennial beholds us –

Myself would run away

From Him – and Holy Ghost – and all –

But there’s the “Judgment Day”!

F(437)

In her personal life, Dickinson was vocal about her love of her Earthly life, openly preferring it over any existence she would have in Heaven. Placing enormous value on her relationships – friendly and familial – and the nature around her, she was content with the life she had created for herself. Often finding her spiritual fulfillment in nature, she referred to it as her own personal paradise on Earth. In her poem “Some keep the Sabbath going to Church –” F236, she speaks of an orchard being her place of worship and equates it to Heaven saying, “So instead of getting to Heaven, at last – / I’m going, all along” (11-12). This displays a feeling of completion without the presence of God in her life.

The speaker of the poem expresses how they don’t feel as though they belong anywhere. In their case, they don’t consider Heaven a paradise because every day is filled with worship. They wish that God would turn away for just a moment to give the world a break. The third stanza spells out how God is ever-present, watching us all like a telescope; the speaker resents this, wanting nothing more than a break from his observance. Under His watchful scrutiny, they feel as though they are not able to live the life they want as they are always preoccupied with doing the things that will be pleasing to God. Throughout the poem, they explain their resentment for His sovereignty, even going as far as to reject His idea of paradise. They prefer a Godless world over the one that has been offered. Following along with this desire to live freely, the final stanza explains their desire to escape Him and His unavoidable judgment. Without judgment, there can be no shame. 

There are two specific instances in the poem that force the reader to pay attention to wording. In the second stanza, the use of “recess” brings to mind a childlike sensibility. It creates a parallel between God and human, and parent and child, the inferior being prohibited from doing as they please. As is often relayed in the Bible, there is a right and wrong way to live life when in pursuit of gaining entrance to Heaven. This is best explained with Matthew 7:13-14 which reads, “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” With this knowledge, the pressure to be one of the few is exponentially increased. Also, the third stanza use of “nap” gives a human aspect to God to God and strips Him of His power. It explains how the speaker wishes God to be on an Earthly level or at the least offer brief relief from His eternal scrutiny. They no longer wish to be subject to His rule. 

Moving into the final stanza, its air of resignation clashes with the overall tone of the poem. Despite a general distaste for God and all that He is, the speaker cannot bring themselves to deny His power. Like a petulant child, the poem seems to be rebelling against a parent whose authority they can’t escape. While the rest of the poem explains how they wish to gain freedom, the final stanza acknowledges their inability to do so.

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.